Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
