All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize