Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
