btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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