He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
