I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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