Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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