I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
