she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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