I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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