Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
