if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
