We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
