I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
