woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just got carded by a ten year old.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
