the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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