By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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