wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
