I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well I just put wine in my tea
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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