So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
and you fell through a lawn chair
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
