he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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