Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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