I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize