sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
