I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think my fart just growled at me.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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