I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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