my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize