Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
