I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
