I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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