Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Thank you for not boning my boss.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
