We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
