all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize