I think im going to throw up on grandma
Small penises have feelings too.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
