we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
