I wish I could punch you in the face.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
