I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We talked him into tasing himself.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
