Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
