The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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