No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize