im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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