i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
