My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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