i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
