no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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