he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
