yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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