I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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