I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
