Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I need a beard to bite.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
