I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
