you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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