I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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