Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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