You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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