Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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