My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
