I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
