Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
