i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Pooping to opera.
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