My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize