my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
