Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
