i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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