my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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