Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You ruined the universe
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
