i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize