WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
