I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
