So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
