apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
