The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
