Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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