His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
