my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
