; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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