I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
