We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
