plz talk dirty to me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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