hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Randomize
