my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
