I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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