There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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