his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
