The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
