batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
