Will you blow on my dice?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
