Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
