I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
