I just made out with a guy for $7.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
