Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
