It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
