Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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