Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
