found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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