I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
