I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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