how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
