I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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