so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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