i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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