I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
