i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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